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Lost with it all...look a star make your wish now's Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
Lost with it all...look a star make your wish now

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great [24 Jun 2005|12:08pm]
things couldnt be better right now.....Matt and I are having a blast spending time with one another....SilverSPoon rocks my world...I started school but will be dropping out very very soob abnd well I dont know I found a place to move in to I can't wait! Life out of high school is amazing
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anotyher day another job [31 May 2005|02:49pm]
silverspoon rocks, I love it there....yesterday was the best day ever, woke up and went ot work over at crispers got off aorund 130 and well met up with Teddy, Matt, Pat, Nina, Jenna, Mike, Brandon, and Cristy....we hopped in the cars with our bathingsuits and drove up to siesta key and just chilled on the beach until sunset.....it was so nice just getting in the car and criving away, I am very happy right now, very content and I just love this whole summer hting, working 2 jobs and I am not worn out at all..
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thank god for comedy central.... [27 May 2005|09:15am]
there is nothing better then waking up to the laughter of the tv, anfd then begining to laugh yourself....the perfect way to start the day I would say....since then tho, I have only taken a shower, got dressed, and did my hair.....and watched more ocmedy central....I have to go into silverspoon at 3.....hope it all goes well, I don't work at Crispers today or tonight........Teddy and Matt are at work right now, Matt also works tongiht...maybe I will call Teddy when he gets off of work....or maybe go out with Jenna if she isn't working, or leah or maybe both, but all 3 I highly doubt. Last night was cool after work went and pciked up Teddy then we drove to JOnny B's house, after that we went to Mike P's house and well after a little while there I dropped Teddy off at his house and went to Leah's to watch Team America, that movie is funny as shit......Matt didn't come out last ngiht becuase he thought there was nothing to do....he was wrong and it wasn't as much fun without that kid....well I am off to watch more comedy central before I do my makeup goodbye
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things...... [26 May 2005|07:14am]
ever since shcool has let out things have not stopped, there is always someone to see or somethign to do especially with so many people leaving, and then rehanging out with old friends whom tyou have not seen in like 6 months.....it is all so nice tho, I wouldn't chjange it for the world, but a little more sleep would be good. I have not been to a high school party and feel good about that, i keep getting the calls, but bowling, playing pool, going to see star wars, and chilling with everyone form "back in the day" has been so much more fun then anything.... I have been hanging with Pat, Matt, Teddy, Scott on the beach and all of them again....I love it, there is nothing like driving to benigins at 1am to eat that is all i have to say....well I am off to get in the shower, everyone be good!
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errrr [03 Jan 2005|08:20pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

I DONT WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE!!!!! errr the only reason why I agreed to go to edison for two years is to make eveyrone else happy and gte off of my case...yes i did get accepted other places, in fact i have not even turned in an application to edison, but sitll i turned eveyrone else down including the scholarshops because it isnt what i want, i wont be happy doing it.....why is that so hard for anyone to understand?....i want to work and get my life going yes i will do edison for two years, and then maybe go off to another school but if not just please leave me alone about it all...please!

dad just bought a brand new 2005 mustang!!!
my court day is on feb 10th 2005....wish me luck, one month to go

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EURO TRIP!!!! [08 Sep 2004|07:23pm]
So I REALLY want to go on the Europe trip May 26, 2005 with shcool...with Burbs and all of my friends (Carissa, Whit, etc.) I have to pay for the trip myself, I have been working my ass off, barley making moeny for my bills, but hey I am determined to get what i want so I am going to try and not spend like any money at all, I think I can do it considering I am eaither at school, at a meeting dealing with school, deciding decorations for Twerp (now sarting to actually build thigns for Twerp and such), comign up with homecomign ideas since I am one of the chairs for the decorating committie, or at work...if I am not doing any of those thigns I am probably at home watcing a movie, doing homeowrk, or reading a book searching for a slight bit of time for myself......It will be fun tho, they trip and I am so excited for Twerp and homecoming I bet you anything this is going to be the best well both fo these will be the best, we have amazing ideas and it is all going to look so great! ell i am off to do more homeork then off to bed

jennifer
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reality... [03 Sep 2004|01:04pm]
Charley's baby Kailie Marie was born last nigth around 10:45 September 2nd 2004, at 8lbs.6oz. i am happy for him and for kourtney i really am, its an uncomfortable situation for just about everyone ruight now but i think we will manage righjt? i hope so
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[25 May 2004|09:15am]
Informationi
iwishedonastar is a restricted area. Authorised personel only

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com
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everyone come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [22 May 2004|01:04pm]
TOMORROW IS B.O.B BIBLE ON THE BEACH AND EVERYONE HAS TO COME OUT!!!! WE ARE MEETING AT 11 OUT IN FRONT OF DIAMOND HEAD ON THE BEACH AND STAYING THERE MOSTLY ALL DAY.....COME JOIN US, BURBS IS COMING, WE WILL BE HAVING TONS OF FUN!!!!! CALL ME IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS AT 4643751
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good times [14 Apr 2004|09:39pm]
my life is finally gettign better, in some odd sort of sense, I thougth Thursday night was the end of it all, but look at me now, I still have to go back for morehelp, but for me to be able to drop eerythign and change, I feel good about myself.....and I love my friends more than ever, these last few days have been awesome...the only two peopel that I still talk to form my "old group" are Cody and Dan...they accept me still.....but no like tonight Melissa, Scott, and myself went to DOmico&Sons for dessert, then me and Scott met Brian at Ben&Jerrys then we all went to Gator Lanes where we met Jamasia, Scanman, and pooley, oh and the retarded kidum roland who kept hitting on me...yep thats righty, then we all came back to my house and watched SNL the best of Will Farrell.....making good choicesreally paying off, i dont regret doing it at all i love you luvar
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what i needed for a change [10 Jan 2004|08:25am]
last night was what i needed, a night out, ugh this whole week sucked and last night did me in, now today i am resting, then goign to work at 5 then going to sams house around 1145 in which we will i believe stay in and stay up late, i need thast to just have a sleep over wiht someone i can just sit down and tlak to about everything. this weekend is just going to be everythign i did and then some. talked to jake before i went out last ngiht.....boy did i blow up, but only said half of the shit i wanted to. but i agreed to follow his rules and obey him...for now that is. things will change because things always change. blah tonight should be good, today is alreayd great...but i am going to go now and get into a shower and get dressed to go to barnes and nobles..........jus a little note everythign in life sucks, but when you just act liek you dont care eveyrhtign is great and you can have the greatest amount of fun ever...care but dont show it is the ebst thign jake could have ever taught me
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simple distraction now tears you away....... [09 Jan 2004|12:39pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

everyone tells me he treats me like shit, why do i try so hard to get him, why do i still want him, why do i still let him make me cry? he went out of town, just got off of the phone with him, i call for a nice conversation about the last few days and end up in tears on the bedroom floor wondering what life is worth.....he got his two day break and i got mine it all should be fine you know? but we cant talk anymore he isnt honest about his feelings in fact he wont admit any feelings at all he wont even tell me if he hates me, nothing? if only i knew how he felt i coudl go on but it changes liek everyday you know? life at 16 shouldnt hurt this much eh?you shouldnt get your first broken heart until 25b i thought, damn fuck a broken heart it is more like a ripped out, thrown on the fucking floor, eatten by wolves, and cut up by sissors heart.

"i do admit i am sad it hurts real bad but i cant sweat that cuz i loved the hoe"


every other guy in my lfie i have gotten over and moved on within like a week or even a few days, why him? why so long? why am i still attached? i dont understand it i neevr was like this with guys before i fuckign hate it, i love him but hate it.....it makes sense i swear

at work both of our managers quit i love lyssa and abby fuck i want them to come back to work, but hey i get a promotion out of it...nice very nice let me tell ya, but i love those girls and i want them back, but hottie matt is comign back to work for us and snachie might start again and she is so fuckign awesome so i am okay ya know?

life will get better, andrew talked about being able to have fast forward and rewind buttons and i agree....fats forward through this part please i hate it so much.....i hate the tears

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can you blame me [07 Jan 2004|03:24pm]
[ mood | blah ]

we are one a two day break.....how can you have a break when you have been broken up for over a month? i dont want to ask anymore, just sit bakc and pretend not to care....
shcool is really killing me, megan is right, we know enough to get thorugh life, but seriously the work is fuckign crazy liek all of our teachers is throwing it in our face out of nowhere they werent like this last fuckign semester...and you know what happens if jenn gets bad grades which i already know i do so well i am fucked...but why complain right now, tomorrow is late start and friday we get out at noon, but still who knows all i have to say is i am making this weekend SO worth it, especailly how this week has been going you better fucking bet that i am making this weekend the best ever, i only have to work saturday ngiht but we all knwo how much i love to work anyway but still friday right after school at noon it is all starting and wont stop until i go to work then will statrt again right after i get off....bam you know it, this will be the best weekened nothing will get in my way....nothing at all...did you know that after you smoke after a bit you can start coughing up blood?

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faint my figures paint my sleep please dont tell my secrets keep them hidden [06 Jan 2004|04:06pm]
dont want it dont want it dont want it anymore.....and when the answer that you want isnt the question you said..come what may... .fuck why do u lie to myself? will someone answer that? i hate it am i lying to myself...oh well who cares anymore i really dont. i am glad to hear about krista and sarah quitting, i did it i know they can and it makes me happy, sure i didnt want to but i knew i had to...life doesnt make sense at all!! oh yes thanks alot Bo for jumping my van...it was fun, i seriously thoguth his truck was going ot get stuck in the ditch, but yea right liek it really would? nope i am just stupid....exactly...ugh i just feel like saying fuck everyone i have had to change and twist myself so much for everyone, back and forth in a huge whirlwind and to be honest i forgot about whoa nd what "I" iwanted to fucking be....i love my friends but you know what no one fucking trusts me which pisses me off, i stop lying and they think i am lying about eveyrthign which makes me want to just go ahead and do the shit i am being accused for because it sucks not fuxking doing it but get accused for doing it ya know? thank god for work tonight that is all i have to say i love owkr so much at least it gets me in to a happy mood os i can run aournd and have fun you know sungign and dancing it is so much fun i just love it....dont ask me what to do about jake, i dont even know i wish people were simple, i have the perfect life all up in my head but well it will never happen with anyone....the one thing i would do right now is move in with kristen, we are both well in the same situaitons if you think about it....guys, parents, it all sucks yea but hey i admire her she has her bond right now, i dont think i will ever get mine back, but i say that everytime, i try and try and cant give up tho....kristen is a strong great chick.....i dont have one complaint about her...not one...off to get ready for work, i love getting ready for work too...ahhhh hmmm
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awake and alive....wishing it was the other way around... [04 Jan 2004|10:40pm]
this mornign was the best mornign ever...woke up[ at 130 am....fuckign stayed up talking on the phone with a special someone and then at 6am drove down to bonita to pick someone up and watched sunrise with him as we talked and relaxed....why is it that he makes me feel so good about myself and about life, why is it that right when we say goodbye i feel liek my hurt has sunken in and all the feeligns of hate and anger of eveyrthign come back into roll...when i am wiht him why is it that i love everythign and wihtout him i hate everything? but yet why does everyone have to lie about him, why do his friends need to fucking call me and bring me down with lies, i believe him in all honesty i do believe him with all of my heart how could i not believe him? he took care of me last ngith too, when i got really sick....he cares............school starts tomorrow, life simply sucks....i just dont want to do this anymore, i am not joking-this life sucks, all i want is no drama, and to be able to chill and relax smoke some cigs drink a few beers and work a few days out of the week.....that is what i fuckign want not any of this bullshit...fuck the new year, whats new about it?
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dont want you back.........fuck ashley that was the best two days of my life!!!!!!!! [31 Dec 2003|01:10am]
[ mood | blank ]

just got back from Sarasota, i went to ahsleys dads house! We had like the best time, it really made me hate ft myers though. I realized i can have fun with all of the drama and all of the bullshit attached. SO no more drama here on out i am sick of being lied to and fuck it whoever brings me down is just gone form now on tomorrow will start the new year and a new year it will fucking be

fuck what i said it dont mean shit now fuck the presents might as well throw them out fuck all those kisses they didnt mean jack fuck you you hoe i dont want you back....
thats our theme song now lol i love ahsley so much these two days were good for us! so fuckign good!!!it was esactly waht i needed woo! and the people we met, okay so david yum who didnt think he was hot? he was my favorite form the weekend, all the other ones were okay i finally met Chris, that was cool ash always talked about him but i ocudlnt put a face on him and now i can....the mall was cool dereks house was fun, that amanda chick tho woo.....but other amanda austin and dani they were okay fun and funny but a few bad parts lol......one thign i learned tho ashleys dirving needs a bit improvement how many times did i almost go thorugh the windshield? anyway this olace sucks wish i dint have to come fucking home....all the dram bullshit here depresses the fuck otu of me fuck um all

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blahsters [28 Dec 2003|02:53pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

fuck me over and over again. i feel lost and confused. blackouts when did they start happeneing, i mean i never even thought i had a problem and now i am blacking out, fainting, when did eating become a probelm? i am so happy right now i feel like life is comign together and i dont know i finally started going out having fun really enjoying myself and yet i mean look at me i am falling apart. the black outs scare the fuck out of me, they coem when i least expect it i will feel fine, nothign will be wrong just standing talking to a few people and boom it hits me a cold sweat then i get dizzy and then i am gone. i eat i swear i eat.....i just never thought it woudl ever come to this it scares the shit out of me, i dont want to end up in the hospital i dont want to go to rehab i eat i eat i know i eat and god i hate this. No matter how happy i am i still feel lonley i do still want jake, i mean i try and try to you know move on i mean i am not looking for someone but i am open to moving on since it has been over a month,and it sucks beign alone it sucks so fucking much, but then i mean i look around and there isnt anyone that could take his place, there isnt anyone that i woudl want to be with more, i will always want jake, i will always love jake....more than anyone, i still feel that he kind of wants me too i mean he is just goign thrugh a phase of not wanting to be tied down, but really when did i ever tie him down? he got to go out every weekend without me and he even cheated on me someone that is tied down usually spends every wekend or at least some weekends with their girlfriend and usually doenst cheat on them. oh the fuck well.
Other than all of that the break has been okay Dave, Cole, Cathy, my favorite Ashley, Meredith, and friends oh nd lil Josh i am so glad that we met him and ugh huim and ashley how aweosme! have all made it wonderful nonstop fun you know? WOW tomorrow i leave for sarasota i am goign to ashleys dads house, i need to get away from here and my paretns well really my parents want me away...it sucks not beign wanted around lol. anywho i am off to go drive around and think about a few things its 3 already and i kind of just want to waste my night away thinking things over.....maybe go to homedepot and wal-mart lol without ashley tho that sucks

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listening with deaf ears [04 Dec 2003|04:22pm]
[ mood | cold ]

Kristen's birthday is tomorrow...Happy Birthday Kris! Hugs not drugs...i think of you
Valin makes me so happy he is by far one of the best people out there, so calm and i don't know how could you ever hate or dislike Dave? you can't i find it to be impossible....

I love these two songs..No Doubt i love going back to the past sigh..these songs umm hmm remind me of a certain person...we will leave it at that..


HAPPY NOW?
You had the best
But you gave her up
'Cause dependency might interrupt
Idealistic will so hard to please
Put your indecisive mind at ease
You broke the set
Now there's only singles
There's no looking back
This time I mean it

Are you happy now?
How is it now?
Are you happy now?
Are you happy?

The uncertainty you had of me
Brought clouded shady company
The tenderness habitual
A seldom-fading ritual
You killed the pair
Now only one is breathing
There's no looking back
This time I mean it

CHORUS

No more leaning on your shoulder
I won't be there, no more bother
If you feel you just might want me
That's too bad, I'm not that easy

The contemplator all those years
No you must adhere
To your new career of liberation
You've been cast all by yourself
You're free at last
You broke the set
Now there's only singles
There's no looking back
This time I mean it

CHORUS

You're by yourself,
All by yourself
You have no one else,
You're by yourself




END IT ON THIS
You see in the past I had a dream
A fantasy
I thought that we would last
Become a little family
Then one, two, three, four
The years were flying by
They soared
And it's my gut feeling
It's not happening for me, so...

Let's end it on this
Give me one last kiss
Let's end it on this
Let's end it on this

You see it's hard to face
The addict that's inside of me
I want to fill my glass up
With you constantly
I've been here before
But I've never ever felt this sure
And now I know I've been dreaming
And your actions
Have inspired me, so...

CHORUS

I open up, you ignore me
You're not the same at all
And if I could turn back
The pages of time
I'd rewrite your point of view

Washed up on the shore
Given one last chance
To try some more
But I'm tired, I'm freezing
Let's stop and call it history


Have a good night everyone sweet dreams and happy awakenings i guess....hmhm tomorrow ngiht drive-in movies and then Saturday night I hope to either see Barb or David, or maybe both...

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RENT flickers in my mind [04 Dec 2003|06:30am]
[ mood | drained ]

how can a night so frozen be so scolding hot.....how can a morning this mild be so raw....

have you ever wanted to delete the last 3 months of your life? take away the people that you had to meet, erase all of them so your life could get back to normality and happy times? yea right i couldnt pay someone enough money to concentrate on my happiness, it is life we all have to deasl with shit even tho sometimes you have to deal with more shit then you can handle all at one time, but i dont know i give up with fighting with everything.....i'll eat when i eat, i am sicjk of that shit....i still wont go back to drugs and alcohol tho, i am beter off of it all thjis i know...and as of all of the 12 year old rumors and fihgts at school right now, i choose to ignore it, i am tired and worn out from petty bickering and arguing it is a complete waste of my time and theirs but if they choose to continue they will be just yelling at a dead wall...lets grow up guys...i hate fucking high school for this main reason right here.........i am so tired i mean i stay up all nighjt long tossing and turning baout every little thing, well last ngiht was my last night, i am done just giving up it isn't worth it anymore...i am just goign to live my life and hoever feels the need to invade it so do it but you arent goign to hurt meso waste your time as much as you want i just dont care about it anymore to be honest with you.........

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god damnit jenn...jakes most famous saying..sigh [12 Nov 2003|12:50am]
hes moving he is really going to move. i don't know why, i sit and beg for him not to leave et all he can say is "we will stay together and i can promise i will hurry back".....yea wha in 3 years? i couldn't even last 10 days without him, now a move not a visit is falling upon me and i hate it i dont want to be without him, but swear to god i will wait forever for him....i really dont want him t go at all..tonight he told me how much he missed me living with him........jake is so amazing....
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